The Voice

Choosing to complete my ISP in the North felt like a natural decision.  I found my initial stay in the Islamic community fascinatingly different, yet eerily homecoming like.  It was after I left Tamale last month that I learned slaves shipped across the Atlantic actually all came from the North.  Which explained why I saw such a resemblance in music, dances, and even festivals of the North to those of coastal Colombia. Upon colonization, the South and coastal areas became (and still are) the hub of trade, development, and modernization, and the North was always reserved for cheap labor both internally and for export. In fact, there is a more than 500-year difference between the first school establish in Southern Ghana and than in the North, that is how comparatively underdeveloped the North is.

Yet returning here has really been incredible. I know that some of my greatest memories of Ghana will come from riding around Tamale and surrounding villages on the back of a motorcycle, the calming sound of prayer call five times a day, the outrageously hot air blowing on my face and veil, and the insightful interviews, conversations, and welcoming spirit of people as I build this project.  Nonetheless, being in the hub of such strict religious expectations, and historic social norms which govern attitudes and behaviors in the face of a modernizing world is a phenomenon I'm not sure how to accurately put in words, but I hope this reflection helps give a taste of this complex issue.

Last Sunday,  I found myself in one of these tradition v. modernity situations that will forever shape my view of this community and the amazing outright luck to have been born and raised where I was.

I spent the afternoon with my translator/liaison/guide Fuzzy, his brother, and my host brother and sister, all university students or recent grads. Having an impromptu American-themed afternoon, I spent the day introducing them to guacamole (there is no potatoes here, so it was guacamole and yam), playing Uno and discussing life. The discussion soon turned more into a debate on relationships, trust and faithfulness, gender roles, giving birth, and much more.

This 'debate' was hours long and further made more interesting by the joining of more young people, including two married university students, one pregnant and one who had just given birth to her third child. We talked about divorce, FGM (female genital mutilation), AIDS, birth control. We shared pictures of my travel, my work, and much explaining and discussing.

On my part I have always had a cultural understanding of the deeply rooted traditional role of women in this community.  However, being able to see the passionate desire for change by the young women, and the immense and nearly impossible opposition they face in a society entirely controlled by men gave me a different view of this changing world.

The debate began with the men explaining why they all are in constant fervent search for an American woman, insisting that African women cannot be trusted. They complained that African women do not make time for their boyfriends or husbands, and just live answering to phone calls and engagements with friends, which to them means they are clearly unfaithful.  That especially women such as nurses could never be trusted, as they supposedly use their career as an excuse to be away from their husbands, and of course be unfaithful.

When I asked why it was okay for the men to answer their phones at any time and any place, and have as many "friends" and engagements as he pleases, they simply said it was different. Because they are allowed to have multiple wives, and women are not allowed to have multiple husbands. Thus, to marry or even date means to complete resignation to your man.

I'll share a quote from a wonderful book and a recommended read if you want a great novel that gives voice to polygamy in modern Ghana, Changes: A Love Story by Ama Ata Aidoo. The main character, a driven career woman is trying to explain to her grandmother why she wants to divorce her husband who rapes her and demands all her time, to which her grandmother responds "the best husband you can ever have is he who demands all of you and all your time" and goes on to explain that the reason such a big deal is made of a bride on her wedding is because a wedding is "a funeral for the person the bride could be".

There is simply this complete mistrust of women among old or young men alike, the idea that African women are somehow innately evil and 'stubborn' (ie: stupid) and must be tamed. It's painfully evident in the way girls are treated and trained to be women, or rather good wives and mothers.

What is most shocking is the idea that despite all modernity, to quote Hasam: "An American woman is always perfect". Even as I explained that most likely a young American women would not be good wives by their standards- they will not cook or clean, and give birth to dozens of children, the way African women are expected and genuinely happy to do (even the most modern of women, they are beyond ecstatic to be wives and mothers, it is their primal duty above all careers). And under no circumstance would an American woman, accept their partner to take a second wife, especially not without their input (particularly when "taking a second wife" really means being unfaithful to your first wife long enough to decide to marry the second woman). On the contrary, to date an American woman often means to share her with her career, friends, family, aspirations, and hobbies, to have to consult them for decisions, and constantly have work with their opinion and desires, especially in the area of birthing and rearing children. Even with all that, they felt they could accept that,"I will cook, clean, take care of her and the children, I don't mind. But she will be better than an African woman."

Even with all the degrees, careers, and advancements made. Something as simple as answering their phones, is a loss of their dignity. At the end of the day, African women will only be respected for three things: being silent, obedient, and giving birth.
What was most striking about the exchange was the tremendous admiration I instilled in my female peers. But it wasn't because their impression with my experiences, resume, or multi-lingual ability, but my power to voice to a group of men what I want for myself, my career, my body, my future, what I can expect from my partner, what I can dream and attempt for myself and the world, and not only have these men listen, but genuinely respect it. Even more so, still want to marry me with all my demands, to encourage me to continue being who I am, to learn more about these modern ways and encourage them for me, but not for their own women.  It was obvious how differently I was treated and listened to than the women sitting next to me, simply because of where I was born.

I've always been aware of the many blessings my upbringing has instilled in me. But I never realized or seen face to face, how truly lucky I am to simply be who I am, not to have had the material opportunities and experiences that I've had, but to simply have the voice to claim all my desires, my problems, and my aspirations, and have them be listened, respected and encouraged. We certainly have out issues of sexism and gender inequality in America, no doubt about it. But unlike most women around the world, we have the voice and the audience to fight against it. And that is something that can never be taken away from us, but sadly cannot be so easily shared with other women around the world.